Why is it so difficult for me to make things right with my wife? I cannot tell you the number of times that I have replayed a situation or conversation in my mind, only to be both judge and jury and be found “innocent.” As a guy, I have this very unbiblical perception that being a “good husband” means to be shown right in all that I do or to never show weakness.
The very fact that I think this way at times only serves making things right that much harder.
We live in a culture that celebrates the “in only 20 minutes a day, you can have a body that looks like this!” mentality. In lives that just seem to get busier and busier, it makes sense on the surface that if I am going to change in an area, I want a process that is going to give maximum benefits through minimal resources or time.
The problem is that it simply does not work. And yet I seem to think that “maybe this one will be different, maybe this will one will actually take.” And like a mountain, I cannot climb it in “20 easy steps.” It is a step-by-step, day-by-day discipline.
If you have read any of my past blog posts about marriage, you would know that 99.5% of them are aimed at and written for husbands. And that is because, in my own experience, if there are problems in a marriage, there is a very high probability that the husband is leading counter to the vision of Jesus pursuing His church.
But to you ladies out there reading this, if you will stick with me, I might be able to offer you some helpful suggestions in providing for your man what he will immensely value.
We all experience seasons of life where we just feel “down.” Discouraged. Disheartened. Sometimes I find myself there because of a specific circumstance; other times I really could not tell you specifically why I feel the way I do. It is like wandering in a spiritual desert at times and I am not sure where the “exit” is.
My emotions wreak havoc and I find myself turning very introspective. The glass-half-full turns into the glass-half-empty and I start to view my world through a lens that does not take me anywhere profitable.
I was recently up in Canada on a backpacking/canoe trip with my good bros from Pilgrimage. And one of the highlights of my week was our solo day, where we break off from our group, find a place in the woods, hunker down, and get with God.
I found a gorgeous spot on the shore of our lake, the sun was coming up, and my view was majestic. Warm mocha heated on my mini stove. Perfect place to chat with God and listen to God.
At the age of (almost) 51, I feel as if I am in a season of life where my influence is greater than at any other time. This is not about giving myself a pat on the back; rather it is about the time it takes to learn lessons. After I hit my finger with a hammer for the 10th time, I start to learn both what to do and what not to do. God teaches through life.
And experience can be a very valuable thing.
I look at the state of us men today and it becomes weighty at times. I listen to men talk about their lives, I hear their struggles, I see their pain. I see young dudes without a compass guiding their lives and a lack of older guys willing to come alongside. The generation gap seems to just be getting wider and the chasm deeper.
And so I see guys doing one of two things: 1) either jumping the ship of faith, saying something to the effect that they just are not sure about this “stuff” anymore, or 2) putting on the “everything is OK” mask and quietly disengaging from what is relevant.
If you watched this year’s Super Bowl, you will recall it was one of the greatest comebacks in Super Bowl history. Though the Falcons led for 59 of the 60 minutes of the game, the Patriots pulled out an unbelievable comeback, scoring 31 unanswered points and erasing a 25-point lead. And to top it off they won it in overtime.
I am not sure I have seen the likes of it.
Have you heard of the term “extreme sports?” It refers to activities that typically involve more risk because of speeds, heights, exertion on the body, or equipment used.
There is an interesting playlist on TED that involves such examples as Ueli Gegenschatz wing-suit flying over 100 mph as he races through canyons. Or Ben Saunders, who successfully navigated an 1,800-mile journey from Antarctica to the South Pole and back. Or Guillaume Néry, who attempted to free dive 400 feet below the surface of the water in less than 3 1/2 minutes…all without an air tank.
I grew up in California and loved the Pacific Ocean. Living in Wisconsin now, I miss the sandy beaches, the rugged coastline, and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. A few years back, my family and I visited my sister and her family in the LA area. A fun day trip was going to one of the local beaches. And one of the highlights was grabbing a boogie board and catching the waves and riding them to shore.
Part of the fun was hanging onto the board and floating, feeling the cool water around me and the soft sand beneath my feet. It was not long, though, before all of us were getting farther and farther out to sea and moving down the coastline.
I was not paddling out from the shore nor was it my intention to move down the shoreline. I was just drifting.